Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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