Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We had sex on a dog bed..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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