We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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