Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I've blown a few things in my day
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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