Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
