Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
