Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
