I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
