If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
