Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize