So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
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