i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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