Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I just googled if crying burns calories
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
