he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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