i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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