I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
