I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
