I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
