your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
