I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize