The maid of honor just puked.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
