I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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