Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
