I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize