My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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