Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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