Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
