OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
