plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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