oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
