No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
My ATM looks so different sober.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
