trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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