U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
