She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
