I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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