Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
