Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
