anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
