thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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