It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
