I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Dignity is for republicans.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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