There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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