I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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