You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
