he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
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