All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
