she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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