the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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