piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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