It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
