i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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