I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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