don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize