Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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