im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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