is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
