My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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