well you can't waste a boner
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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