I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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