she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
