Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i think i just lost a toe
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
