he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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