he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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