and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
