he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
