matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
