Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize