Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
