If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
