Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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