highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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