now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i was born a porn star she said
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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