thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
not ubering you a puppy
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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