a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
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